maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
