the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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