One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
