I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
