i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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