woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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