I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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