I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
