Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
