life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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