someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
