i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
