even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
