i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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