omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
