I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize