I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
there is glitter all over my balls
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