She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
