but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
