happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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