I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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