honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
