Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
please come you make the beer taste better
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
