Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Is it because I queefed?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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