This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
