You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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