when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
