tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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