I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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