I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
