I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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