Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
