the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
