got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
