So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
