Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
