I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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