take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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