It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
