Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
