After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
