Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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