I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's shark week go big or go home
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
