Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
