I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
