Dude my mom stole all your condoms
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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