so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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