I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Randomize
