Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
