We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
