tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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