I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
