yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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