I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
