you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
