I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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