What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
