I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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