you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
