He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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