i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
There's always time for handjobs
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
