i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize