my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize
