I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
