Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
