i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
