Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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