just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
