you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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